Last summer, we went on a trip together to Amsterdam. There is nothing I love more than going on a trip with Sara. Every single part of it is enjoyable for me. The plane ride. The first dispensary stop. Dragging our suitcases through half the city to find the rare hotel we spent 3 weeks trying to find. Deciding to not go out se we can stay in and doordash and talk all night.
I started to realize that nothing was ever that bad, as long as Sara was there. Cleaning. Grocery shopping. The airport security. Long road trips. Lame parties.
And not in a codependent way, but in a, "you make everything exponentially more pleasant" way.
At one point, we were crying from laughing in our rare hotel room. We laid on the bed, looking up at the ceiling, it was a moment where it felt like we had the whole world on pause for a second.
I let out a sigh. We were leaving the next day, and I was starting to get the "end of trip blues." like I always get.
But before I could ruminate on how good things never last, something hit me in the most simple and profound way.
"Sara?" I said, tilting my head up to look at her.
"Yeah?"
"You´re my best frie-dfsfdkjsnfkljdijdjgo" I tried to say - before I started blubbering.
I thought about all the trips I had gone on with friends in the past. And how the worst part was always the "goodbye" at the airport, after it was all over.
It hit me, in almost an adolescent way, that Sara gets to come home with me. Forever.
Like a teenage girl having a parental approved sleepover, I was giddy at the idea that the fun didn´t have to stop.
It never had to stop.
We get to go home together after every trip. After every road trip. After every lame party.
She is my home.
It was an overwhelming feeling of safety and security that I had never felt before.
That was the first time that I was fully aware of it, in the moment.
26/10-23
You dreamy girl, Sara, you. I keep wondering when I´m supposed to get sick of this, because watching you become your own person has been the most rewarding, exciting and fulfilling experience of my life.
You get sweeter, funnier, stronger and smarter every day.
I still get you forever, but I don´t get THIS you. The 22 year old Sara.
And that hurts.
But this is life, baby. This is just the beauty and sadness of it all. That we can´t get these moments back, but what´s comes next is always greater than our wildest dreams. That is a promise I´ll keep for your whole life.
The way I look at you right now, is like waking up at 2 am and checking your clock in a panic - only to realize you still have hours of sleep ahead of you. That blissful relief of, "there is still so much time left for me to love you."
There is.
But someday, when it feels like that time does run out, and things start to hurt again...I know I´ll wish I would have told you once more "I love you´s" or squeezed you a little extra tight.
So right now, that´s exactly what I´m doing. As a favor to ME not YOU, in 20 years aching for my sweet 22 year old Sara, today, I´ll squeeze you a little tighter for her.
24/10-23
"Hello my sweet baby girl. I´m going to continue these little love letters so you can read them someday, when we´re old and grey and you can´t seem to remember why you love me, for that day specifically.
I love being your friend. I am 22 years old, and you are turning 23 years old this Monday. I tell you that because someday, you won´t believe that we were ever so young. But also because you are such a big, if not the biggest part of my 23th year. So it feels important to tell you how life as your 22 year old me is.
Life right now, is really exciting. I´m starting to look forward to things again. This year I very much so gained my lust for life back. Last winter, for the entire cold season, you were the only thing I would ever look forward to. Somedays. you were the only thing that got me out of bed. I know, it´s sad, but I promise Im better because of it.
Because you were the only thing that really motivated me to get better.
You seemingly grew up overnight.
Every few months, I´ll wake up and randomly notice that you are significantly even more beautiful, wiser and curlier.
I examine you each time I see you and see no changes and then BAM! out of the blue your curls are an inch longer.
This cycle has been repeated countless times over the course of your life and yet every time, it blows my mind.
You recently hit another amazing milestone when you moved this September to Denmark for your phsychology studies. Phsychology has taken over our lives. Because when you love something, you love it hard.
You´ve only been here for 23 young years yet there has been so many phases.
The swimming phase.
The iconic karate era.
The hourse it girl seasons.
The Queen songs winter you put me through.
But nothing will ever compare to the SQUEAL you make when you hear the intro to any Taylor Swift song.
Every time I write these letters, I´m reminded that none of this will mean anything to you by the time you read them. Your many different phases, obsessions, seasons, what you like/what you don´t, your interests and passions, who you love and what you love.
But, as your old friend speaking...it´s all so exciting for me. All of it.
I´ve got to watch from the front row as you become your own person. Truth is, I´ve loved you in all your phases and through every seasons. And babygirl, in every flaw you see, I see a part of our history. This, I´ll remind you <3"
One of my favorite parts of being your best friend, is just getting to love you with Gina, Jan, Hanne, Mormor, Onkel, Elin and mom. But also Tuva, Vilde, Anna, Martine, Matus and Karoline. All of us sharing and loving you together is really the joy of our lives. It sounds cheesy but its true. We laugh at you behind your back 20 times a day. (sorry.)
It just means everything to have someone else who loves you as much as I do.
Now that I´ve talked about some friendships highlights, can I just add in one thing that absolutely sucks?
The phases are too short.
I already miss the karate days.
I have moments where I catch myself right in the middle of one of your phases. Painfully aware of the inevitable change to come.
That last night when we were together before you were leaving for Denmark, when we were listening to "Sweet Night" by Elina, I had one of those moments. You had your tiny little hand, laying in mine, and I had my eyes closed, trying to fight the tears, and trying to take in the moment.
Terrified I won´t remember it someday.
I went there.
I went to the "In 20 years I´ll wish things were as simple as you letting me on to the song Sweet Night for the first time."
I sat there with that thought for a second. I´m trying to to do better at facing them instead of putting them off til later.
I thought about all the phases to come, and how I get to be there for only so many.
Oh yeah. I reaaaalllly went there. I started thinking of all the phases you´ll have that I wont get to be apart of.
I remind myself that you are your own person, with your own seasons. It simultaneously warms and breaks my heart.
Somehow it helps that loving you, Sara is a part of me. It´s who I am.
I love you soooooooo so. so. much
Sara Berntsen!!
23 years earthside my friend.
Happy birthday
Call me when you read this
Sofie
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